Record of a banal life

Reminders of my home

2009-07-09T07:10:00.001-07:00

Some things never change. What you did when you were growning up stays with you, even when your life has changed so much that you are still trying to figure it out in your forties. But your youth and childhood stays with you and suddenly something trivial or unexpected brings it back.

We had planted flowers which are called malli poo - Arabian Jasmine.

(http://www.flowersofindia.net/catalog/slides/Bela.html)

Of course this was not random planting - we loved this flower and had specifically selected this when we were planning our garden. This dies out in the winter and resurfaces during the summer heat.

It is not as though I havent inhaled its fragrance before even here, and usually we offer these flowers to our deities. But yesterday the plant bloomed with so many flowers and I picked then up and set them in a small bowl. The fragrance took me to my homeland, their scent in my hair, the memory of being young and carefree, the memory of wearing them for my husband, the memory of my mother threading them into a length of roughtly a yard.... oh the sheer happiness they used to give me.

Is this nostalgia - I am still not too old, even by my standards! Or is this self-delusion, life for me was never perfect.

But my happiness in these flowers remains.

More on my garden

2009-07-09T07:05:00.000-07:00

Some more pictures of our home grown produce - makes me very proud to say that! That is a pciture of my first tomato.

Responsiblity

2009-07-01T20:06:00.000-07:00

How much responsiblity we take for our own lives? Whether it is about our weight, career, children, spouse, education, behaviour, character?

We cannot change our parents, race, DNA, blood group.........there are very few things we cannot change. Most of it is to with our body, not mind.

We even have the option of changing our sex, not DNA wise but to all intents and purposes we can if we want to become the other sex.

Then why do we blame the weather, Obama, spouse, kids, money, food, television, drugs.............for what we are and who we are? Are we so helpless with our own wills?

What do you think?

What do men do

2009-06-23T16:54:00.000-07:00

What do men do? I dont mean in a philosophical sense, but in a marriage what do men do for which they can be nagged about? I am not asking what dont they do but what DO they do?

We women cook, clean house, wash and iron clothes, take care of children - including bathing them, feeding them till they are able to themselves, keep an eye on their behaviour, shop for the groceries, cart children to their activities, cook meals for the guests, balance and stick to budgets......the list is endless.

And how much of these activities are for the women alone? I can wear clothes not ironed, live on bread, cheese, cereal and fruits(and force the kids to do so too!), skip bathing the kids on alternate days and order out for entertaining guests......in short I dont have to or want to do as many things.

What is frustrating is that not only all the things we women do are taken for granted, they are also COMPLAINED about. Every single day, there is something or the other to complain about. Are we women so conditioned that we do things and be complained against and STILL continue to do so day in and day out? When did I go from an educated, thinking, efficient workiing woman to a doormat waiting only for approval from her Lord and master? At what point of time did the change start, from wanting to please to being obliged to conform?

And what do we complain about? At most it would be that the men dont spend time together with us. Many of us, me inlcluded, dont complain about the paychecks or the drudgery (except when we are physically tired), if only the things we do would be not complained about. I am not asking for appreciation. In fact I would appreciate no comments at all. That would be peace. I dont complain about the lack of consideration, the utter indifference to chores("her job, not mine - I am not a domesticated male and I am proud of it") unless I am forced beyond my endurance during a litany of HIS complaints.

When does marriage go from a meeting of minds to just minding the house? When does love go from concern to complaints? When did I go from an adult independent female to a shadow of the man?

When and how do I regain myself without breaking down or breaking up?

Cutting the umbilical cord

2009-06-08T17:06:00.000-07:00

Today my son left to pursue his studies away from me. This had been discussed, argued about, debated, disagreed and finally surrendered to by me. I hate the idea of him living away from me. It is bad enough to know in your heart that you never were a good enough mother, it is worse to have your child accept his move away from you.

But more than anything in this world, I want him to be happy. Happy as in simply happy. No restrictions to do what he wants. Truly and productively. Not just adolescent whims and fancies. This is what he wanted. So I let him go......

I walked back to the car. Sat in it and watched the airport fade away as we drove. Did grocery shopping. Fed my little one. Fed my husband. Ate. Talked to the father and the little son. Searched for lost keys in the rest area. Came home. Ate, watched TV......

In short my day did seem to go on.

Nothing is different but the saw in my stomach, cutting me into two.

Growing a vegetable garden

2009-05-31T18:58:00.000-07:00

City life and a dislike of dirt has always deterred me from planning a garden. We live in the country and have ample space to grow our own garden. But I was never motivated enough till this year. This year I was determined to grow at least one vegetable, as we never know when we might be moving.

We had some help to till and plant a vegetable garden - chillies, tomatoes and green bell peppers. The only work I did and continue to do is watering our garden. It requires some weeding now after the rains the past one week but we have had a harvest!

Take a look at our chillies and bell pepper, I am so proud!

The beginning

2009-05-31T18:44:00.000-07:00

Wife to a businessman, two kids and a long forgotten professional degree - this about sums up my life. Blogging is my way of keeping in touch with the world and looking for a deeper meaning to my life. I am awed by the many blogs I read and longed to be one of them. So here is my start..........